The Dork Knight Rises.

(I’m the dork by the way)

The new, highly anticipated Batman film is having premiere soon and everyone is very excited as this is Nolan’s last Batman film.
I have actually surprised myself with not watching any of the trailers except the first one and totally blacking out most of the articles and new trailers from that movie because I want to see it with a new perspective. I want everything to be fresh.
I haven’t seen the new Spider-Man movie nor have I even seen The Avengers but I will eventually, it’s not like those movies are gonna disappear.
With Batman however…I really do want to see it as I saw Batman Begins  and The Dark Knight on premiere night.
But…I could barely sit through The Dark Knight. As soon as I go to the cinema I become like this grumpy, 70-year old man.
The seat is uncomfortable, the sound is usually pretty unbalanced and my legs get restless.
I think it all lies in my psyche somehow. Like I almost feel “forced” to watch the movie, you know? I can’t just pause it and go to the bathroom or stretch out my legs and get all smushy and cozy with a blanket.

But that’s not the worst part of going to the cinema for me. It’s the audience, I hate them, they fucking talk, chatter, comment, rummage around in their candy bag or popcorn bucket, they laugh at everything and…GRAAAH! They annoy me.
Here’s an example that happened on The Dark Knight premiere; When the movie starts it’s all black but then it starts to crack, eventually forming the Batman symbol, ok? It has this blue-grey-ish filter and one idiot in front of me says
“Is this movie in black and white?!”
Honestly, I wanted to just get him into a chokehold and just whisper in his ear “It will all be over soon, you did this to yourself…” and then just snap his neck.
Then that infamous scene with Joker’s first appearance where he does his “Magic Trick” with the pencil comes up and he laughed, sure some other people laughed too but, maybe it was because I already hated him, I swear he was the first one to laugh. And that annoyed me, it really did. The audience laughed at pretty much everything Joker did. Yeah he looks like a drunk clown but in this case he’s not meant to be funny and I don’t honestly understand why people laughed at the pencil thing. A guy got a pencil impaled through his fucking eye and (probably) died! It’s not like he got a swift kick in the balls and then a pie in his face and Joker ending it with saying “Hungry Much?” like Jerry Lewis.

I’m pretty sure I’ve dabbled in the following topic before but just to quickly remind you, the reader, my favorite person at the moment. I had a discussion with a friend once and he got upset with me because I don’t enjoy Harry Potter or The Lord of The Ring’s movies because they don’t entertain me. They just don’t. The whole magic, dragons and wizard themes don’t tickle me, it’s as simple as that. Then he shat out the comment;
“Oh what do you know, you only like movies were the guys wear tight spandex suits so you can see everything”
I like to note that this guy likes to watch Ultimate Fighting and MMA fights where half-naked men punch and kick eachother and then spend the rest of the time on a sweaty mat and hug, but that’s neither here nor there.
Yeah I like those kind of movies, superhero themed ones because that’s what entertains me. I grew up reading about them, I had toys, bedclothes, masks, clothes and other stuff with my favorite heroes.  It’s part of who I am and yes that’s both good and bad because I get very critical of the movies based on the comics but I can find only slight non-deal-breaking faults with Nolan’s Batman movies. This is why I’m both excited and sad that it’s ending, but really curious how he will end the legend and I really want to see if my theories and guesses are right. I never saw Batman as a superhero at all though. That’s why I like him. He’s a hero, an icon, a symbol. He’s just as vulnerable as anyone else. He’s a flawed human being.
Super implies something supernatural. A lot of the enemies Batman has are supervillain’s  though because they have un-natural powers such as Clayface, Bane, Poison Ivy and that makes it even more interesting when Batman has to fight them because he’s much more weaker and hopeless in technical terms. I mean if Batman has a superpower it’s easily money. He has a super amount of money.

But that’s not the only reason why I love superhero’s, because they’re a part of me and I read a lot about them as a child (I still do).
I love them for the same reasons I like certain video games more than others; I get to escape to an foreign world that yet seems very familiar.
They’re heroes. We have heroes in the real world, don’t get me wrong there. It’s just not as symbolic as Batman or Green Lantern. Heroes don’t have to wear costumes or have powers to protect people, we have heroes in real life; We have doctors curing people everyday, saving lives. We have police officers that protects the innocent. We have firefighters that rescues people from danger.
How many times have you wished to just take matters in your own hands? How many times have you seen injustice and wanted to do something but maybe couldn’t? Hell, how many times have you just wished to leap home or fly because the bus is late and it’s too far to walk?
Heroes inspire me, they have shaped me, they have taught me things I didn’t necessarily learned in school. I was a victim of bullying a lot in school, mind, I suffered a lot of injustice because the teachers never did anything and I was too weak and afraid to stand up to the bullies and I always found comfort in comics and cartoons with the same themes.

I can’t sow, I wouldn’t even know where to begin on a costume or even a name. I’d probably wear something like Rorschach or how Scarecrow was portrayed in Batman Begins, simple but yet covering my identity completely.
I know that if I acquired supernatural powers I would probably become selfish and use them for myself. I know it sounds odd when I just said that heroes have taught me to do the exact opposite but I’m being realistic (strange choice of words I know). But as much as heroes have taught and shaped me, so have the villains. I’ve always loved the more brainy villains that uses their wit and intelligence to break a person than just brute force. It’s easier to be a villain than a hero because you don’t have to sacrifice as much and you always take the easy way out, well mostly. And I used my evilness a lot in my later school years, I used to cheat on tests and at times steal stuff from the school and toys (etcetera) from those who bullied me or were mean to me that I later traded for another toy with another kid that didn’t even go to the same school. Covering my tracks like a real villain, no paper trail.

I have a hard time really understanding why people would NOT want to watch movies about superheroes.
If one was to just draw a small parallel line between a comic book based movie and like Harry Potter and/or Lord of The Rings I just find it hard to understand why some things are like they are in fantasy-movies. There’s always so much shit going on and you always have to learn a second language and to keep track of all the different races, length of beards, dragons, orc’s, talking trees, silent bushes, magic trains, chattering fruit, magic owls, spells, forks, names, lore and a bunch of other crap.
While in let’s say Spider-Man it’s; young adult gets bitten by radioactive spider, gets powers, uses them for good. I’m not saying comics books can’t get “out there”, I mean, do you know how Spidey originally got the black suit? In the eight issue of The Secret Wars,  Spider-Man damages his costume in combat on Battleworld (which is in a different universe/solar system all together) and is directed to a facility which can provide a new one to him. Before having the chance to recover a new suit, Spider-Man stumbles into the prison module the Symbiote has been trapped in thanks to Reed Richards a.k.a Mr. Fantastic found while exploring the planet. He [Spidey] then activates the machine which releases the Symbiote in the form of a black liquid and it bonds with him almost instantly.
But that won’t happen in movie form for a long time or at all because it’s too far fetched and complicated to make with all the famous superheroes at once although it’s MORE plausible now with the Avengers craze because in The Secret Wars there’s, of course, Spider-Man but also IronMan, Hulk, Human Torch, Nightcrawler, The Thing, Captain America, Hawkeye, She-Hulk, Cyclops, Wolverine and a bunch more. But Secret Wars is stretched out in a 12 issue comic and that would require a shitload of movies to cover only half of the insanity going on and notice that I only mentioned the heroes there.
I simply enjoy the pacing  much more in those kind of movies because they feel familiar to me, they feel right. I understand it.
In fantasy movies it’s bang-on right from the beginning. I’m not saying that radioactive spiders are more plausible than say, dragons…but…they kinda are. Spiders exist, radioactivity and experiments with such exist. Dragons don’t nor haven’t or will.
Being super rich and losing your parents in a mugging isn’t impossible. Getting into shape, read a lot about psychology, anthropology, math, physics, chemistry, putting on a costume isn’t impossible.

This is, of course, only my opinion, and yeah, I am a bit biased when it comes to that front. I just don’t think that saying “But Tolkien invented a whole language” is a valid point. Oddball twins invent their own language. Children invent their own language. I don’t find it impressive. It’s fine if someone is, as me, brought up with those kind of books and have the same bond with them as I have to comics but if you’re gonna dismiss that kind of universe than at least have a valid point and don’t just say “Because Cyclops’ costume looks gay”
It’s the person underneath it that counts.

If this was radio or a podcast I would end this with David Bowie’s “Heroes”
But I can’t because this isn’t…so…

I can remember
Standing, by the wall
And the guns, shot above our heads
And we kissed, as though nothing could fall
And the shame, was on the other side
Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever
Then we could be heroes, just for one day

9 out of 10 would like to have a supernatural ability.

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