Thank you and good night.

Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.”
Dr. Seuss

Life is fun and funny, is it not? At points it wont seem like it, there will be struggles. For some a small thing  might be bigger for others. All you can do in a situation like that is to cope with it, not letting it take over you as a person. It’s sound silly and kind of stupid, sure, but that’s all it is to it.

With that said I haven’t been feeling all that well lately. Not that I’ve been depressed or so, it’s just that I haven’t been sleeping well or at all in some cases. I hadn’t slept for over 24 hours the last two days and the more time passed during the night I kept over thinking how many hours I would sleep and the more time passed the more I thought “what’s the point?”. How did I cope with it yesterday? Well, of course I went downtown! Even walked there! What a fucking stupid and retarded decision! People who looked at me must have thought that I was drunk or under drugged up. I couldn’t focus or concentrate and everyone looked weird to me. I felt like I was in a M. Night shamalamadingdong movie where the plot was a simple zombie apocalypse and I was the only survivor but the twist was that I was the only zombie…and the occasional drug addict and hobo. It was seriously a very surreal experience. I mean, I could communicate even though my train of thought kept crashing like the tracks were made out of slippery pudding but I could still form a sentence and not question what I just had said…a lot. I just kept talking and talking and talking, mostly because I was afraid to just pass out and fall asleep. It felt like being on a really bad trip. It strikes me as a very stupid way to handle sleeping problems; going downtown. Sure, I got tired by walking around and being as concentrated as I could but I could as easily just stream some fucking documentary about how paint dries. To be honest I almost don’t remember most of yesterday. It’s really fucking hazy. Maybe someone spiked the punch. Gave me a roofie cocktail…haha cock…
Yeah see! I’m still not all right.

I slept last night though. Actually I crashed hard and woke up around 7 this morning but I still feel a bit…off-ish. I slept for eleven hours…and I still had the nerve to think “just five more minutes”. I’m a greedy, greedy man.

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Mornin’ ma’m.

I know, I know. It’s been a while since I wrote anything again. But can you blame me? I am but a man! I have needs and homosexual fantasies just as any of you have!

At the moment I have been awake all night again, just like the past few days and only sleeping a few hours in the late morning period. So on the whole sleeping front, it isn’t going that well. I’m not gonna sort of recap the latest weeks quickly to say what I’ve been up to because it’s hard to stretch out “nothing”.

I haven’t had my computer for a long, long time so I haven’t really been able to update my blog or check new reviews, e-mails and of course my favourite activity every morning; looking up what’s new in the porn industry. SPOILER ALERT – Nothing. So what made me write a new entry? Well I’m in that hazy, sleep deprived state and there’s only that many re-runs of “Americas Next Top Model” I can take. Yes, we all love Nigel Barker and his dreamy eyes and his sexy fuck-me-because-I-said-so-attitude but enough is enough.

I’ve actually watched a lot of stuff on “ice-films.info” (Ohhh look at me, pitching other sites like I’m sort of internet pimp) which is just tops. I recently saw that infamous Charlie Sheen roast and I don’t know what I thought about it…I mean…a roast is a roast so there will be some good jokes but not only did I miss Greg Giraldo’s presence, I thought the whole line-up of roasters was a bit odd. I mean, it was nice to see Seth Macfarlane as the host again even if it is for the third or fourth fucking time now but he has that nice “Host quality” about him. William Shatner was a roaster which was fun to see a specially when he himself got roasted 2006. Jeff Ross (that chubbly-wubbly jew) was great as always. The highlight of all the roasters was actually the newcomer Amy Schumer who was the most brutal, racist and all-around funniest of them all. Other than that Jon Lovitz…I mean, really? Does anyone thinks he’s actually funny? I’m not really having a go at him it’s just, for me, he’s in the same league as Gilbert Gottfried. You know, that squint-eyed comedian that has the same sex-appeal as a school bus on fire? Who else was there…ah yes, the “great” Mike Tyson! I wrote great in quotation marks because everyone who says that is just being polite and terrified that he’ll eat you. He was actually pretty good…at least I think, I couldn’t understand a damn thing that man said. Kate Walsh was also there, she was ok I also assume…as good as actors get when they don’t fit in on a roast. THen there where some other people no one cares about, now to the wild card; Steve-O. Yeah that fucking “toally duuuude” was there trying out comedy which not involved hurting hims-…og wait, no, yeah he ran and jumped into Tyson’s fist so he broke his nose…hm, nevermind then.

Anyway. I had a bit of…”problem” with Sheen, I have for a long time. I just don’t like that in the end of everyone’s turn and even in Charlie’s final speech they all kind of glorified his behaviour which really bothers me. The guy had a total meltdown, lost custody of his daughters and just straight up acted crazy. I think that I didn’t like this roast is because Charlie ALREADY, in a way, roasted himself with all those web videos and his statements. The work was already done. If we’re gonna draw some parallel lines with other roasts we may take Shatner as an example. That roast was great, the roasters were all unexpected (Who knew Betty White was so fucking brutal?!) and they made fun of his acting career and music and so on. Sure, some might say that’s an “easy target” aswell and I can somewhat agree but Shatner didn’t have a super popular break down and record himself talking crazy, calling himself a warlock and a “Rockstar from Mars”. Plus there was so much diversity in his career that there’s a lot to mention. Charlie Sheen hasn’t done THAT many movies and I like him in most of them. What happened after that though? Spin City – Break – Two and a Half Men, so they pretty much all made fun of post 2&½ Men era, which is what…a year, maybe two? He did say in his speech that he’s done with the whole “Winning!” thing…because he’s already won. Heh, well it’s like they say; When you’ve hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up.

On a more light-hearted note; I saw the Spongebob Squarepants Movie a few hours ago because I’m an adult. That was great, it had all the typical block buster movie formulas, the drama, the villain, the all-is-lost-moment, the love interest, the action, the music, the humour. It even touched me a bit at a specific scene. I know all this is a bit odd, that I’m talking about Spongebob at…8:43 AM but that’s how it is. I understand that a lot of people might think that a 24-year-old shouldn’t be watching  Spongebob but I like cartoons and isn’t being an adult kind of doing the things you want without caring what others think, to find themselves as an individual person who can have own opinions and stand by what they believe in whether its religion, politics, taste in movies, music and not be “controlled” by media or experts statements equals fact, when it’s really what’s inside you, as a person, what matters? It’s just nice to see a charming little fellow as Spongebob on the screen now and then that has such a positive outlook on life and a big heart, even if a bit naive at times. When kids TV shows today consists of anime characters with ridiculous hair and clothes (like they ran into a clothing store drenched in glue and whatever stuck, they wear) who fight each other with robots…or robotic animals…or balls that transform into creatures. When I was growing up all I watched was pretty violent cartoons like He-Man, G.I Joe, Transformers, Batman, TMNT and so on, not that I don’t like those today or so, it’s just it seems, even today that all the cartoons is about one side against another and they fight. That’s what it is, it’s war. Today it seems that there are cartoons aimed for really young children, with happy colors incorporated with puppets and whatnot. Then there are those anime inspired shows and Ben-10 (whatever the fuck that is), shitty Batman remakes and for the slightly older, live-action shows à la Hannah Montana. That’s why Spongebob is great, it’s for everyone. Everyone who wants to feel good from time to time. For those who want to escape from their grey, dull lives for a few minutes to visit a colorful, charming, talking little sponge with all his friends and wacky antics in Bikini Bottom.

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Face me!

Thy book of faces; Is a strange phenomenon. Now, I think I’ve been on Facebook long enough to actually put people in different categories, that is, what kind of user they are. Even though I use The Face everyday I don’t consider myself as THAT active. Some will argue with me that I am, some will probably say that they don’t even notice me.

Facebook is a buggy social site, but that’s not what bothers me with it. It’s the users. I’m not gonna name names in this entry because that would be very S.N.C of me, but if you do recognize yourself in one of the categories, chances are that you are one of these users.

The Observer: This user really annoys me (not that any other doesn’t) because they do nothing. They have Facebook. That’s it, they just have it, they’re online 24/7 but they do NOTHING. They don’t comment, they don’t “like” they don’t share. Nothing. From where I’m standing it must be that they just sit in a chair and refresh the page every now and then maybe taking notes in their creepy, leather-bound “People I’m going to eat”-book. The question I want to know is; Who watches the watchmen?

The Ninja: The Ninja is a quiet, mysterious being. Lurking in the shadows, calmly waiting for its time to strike. To not be seen before it’s too late. HIYAH! Well, to simplify; The Ninja is a Facebook user that you never see online. You think you might get a glance of them online every once in a while, but that’s probably the site bugging up again…as fucking usual. However they do comment and “like” and post stuff and update their status now and then, but when it’s too quiet on their part I just figure that they’ve resigned from The Face. When they finally do make a visible appearance my reaction always is “HOLY SHIT! I thought you were dead! Who’s funeral did I go to?”.

The Thinker: Now…I think this my personal favourite…to fucking HATE! These oxygen-wasters write anything…ANYTHING that’s on their mind. I get that you CAN do that on Facebook…I don’t know if it’s that appreciated from other users though. These people rarely even get comments on they’re frequent status updates. Look, I know that you think “Going to buy chicken at the store” is your highlight of the day but why would you wanna write that? What’s your goal by sharing that one thought? Do like me, get a blog no one reads, but at least you can vent your thoughts. I know, I knoooow that I can hide they’re live feed. I know…but I like to keep them visible for one reason; they give me material for my blog.

The Hologram: It’s BASICALLY like The Observer. They’re online all.the.time, or at least very very very often. But when You write to them, nothing, dead. There’s a reason for that…they left the page open at home or they’re online on their phones but forgot to log out. Pay attention dickwads! I just found a video where a guy dodges three cars in seconds while just standing on the street and I need you to comment that shit!

The Collector: Pretty standard user, nothing that particular about it. The only thing is that they have like 1,753 friends…but they don’t, do they? No they don’t. No one has that many friends. They just collect people to be friends with. They just want to have the most friends. Sure, it could be a fun little “competish” to see who could get most friends in a week or two. But these users just NEEDS to have as many friends as possible. Maybe it’s like Highlander rules…if they reach a certain number, they’ll get immortal. I have like 80 and I think that’s a bit too much because I only talk to handful of people anyway. I talk to those near and dear to my black little heart.

The Maestro: Here’s another user I just loathe. Look, it’s ok to share a song from YouTube or Spotify now and then, I’ve done it, but…take a fucking break won’t ya’?! It’s not even good songs…well ok some of them might be good-by the standard “it’s a classic” (however most of them fucking suck so much it brings a tear to my eye) but it’s not like we haven’t heard it a million times before. If you’re gonna post an armada of YouTube songs, pick some obscure songs…maybe not the most popular ones. People don’t open these links anyway. How many times can you hear “Paradise City” or “Sweet child o’ mine”? We know those songs…if you’re gonna share some classical rock songs, share some Queen…but NOT “We will rock you” or “We are the champions”!

The Comedian: Ahhh, yes. This is me in real life. But on Facebook…it gets annoying. This user just posts things to get laughs and you know sometimes, it actually works. But you don’t think that picture of Osama Bin Laden but with Mr. Beans face is fresh do you? And The Lonely Island’s “I’m on a boat” got tiresome really fast. We all knew of Pablo Fransisco back in the early 2000’s but just like him now…you too, should get new material.

The Insomniac: This user is kind of a mix of all the categories. They post frequently what’s on their minds that no one cares about, they post songs, pictures and so on. That’s all fine and that…but they do this…all.the.time…it get’s annoying. Even at 3 o’ clock they can share a song and tell the world that they are getting sleepy! Fucking…close the page down and go to bed instead of writing that you are getting sleepy. And for whom is that written? No one is going to comment on that so fucking late! Just break off your fingers and go to bed. No one is gonna watch a live video of The Prodigy at 3:45!

The Dramatic: The only thing this users writes is dramatic. Not good-dramatic. High-school-bullshit-dramatic. The only people who comment on the drama are the close friends…I always “like” their initial drama-status just because I find that a bit funny. How can you not get annoyed with such a bullshit status like “Figuring out how to love only to realize, I can’t.” or “sigh” or “Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah, neither do I”. I just can’t wrap my head around that…who fucking cares? Take a coffee with a friend if you have some issues you want to talk about don’t post sad smileys on Facebook hoping that people will feel sorry for you!

The Entity: Basically, someone who has an account but never, ever uses it. Ever. They have three-four pictures in their album from three and half years ago and probably 123 friend requests. They also just repeats the phrase “I’m gonna delete my account tomorrow.”

The Snapper: Remember when people said “camera phones”? Well some people still live by that. They take pictures with their smartphones everywhere they go. A specially with app’s like Instragram, Colorsplash or PopCam (fuck I just pitched some app’s to them..) The pictures comes out nice, I’ve used Instagram myself. But it’s a cheating tool. You take a picture of…whatever, a STOP sign and then you smack a filter on it and viola, artsy. I don’t get it. Can you comment on that? I see that it’s a nice picture but I also know you’re cheating with simple filters to make it look nice. Like I said, I’ve used it myself mostly for just that fact, I cheat, I’m not a photographer. It was also mostly to experiment with lighting, filters and focus. But don’t tell me you still do that after 7 months! Oh and you always have to fucking ask them not to tag you. If you don’t say anything they will tag the shit out of you. Everyone can see that you’re shit faced, snorting cocaine of that hookers penis and “liking” it.

The Slacker: I like the slacker. I know…weird of me to say that. But I do. To me it’s the perfect Face’er. They update their status enough not to make it too much or too little. Sometimes it’s funny, random or just informative maybe something like “Just passed my exam, gonna go out and celebrate tonight, who’s joining?!” That’s great and I will gladly come. They can post a YouTube video once in a while or a picture…once.in.a.while. See, that’s what I like about them. “Once in a while”, that’s like a fucking mantra to me.

The Globetrotter: I DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE AT HOME! Why do some people check-in at their own home?! I’ve checked in like…once or twice. Mostly at bars so people can come over if they want to. Some Globetrotters check-in on subway stations…well that’s fucking either clever or retarded. Is it to lure people over there just so you can vanish to the other side of town in a matter of minutes? Like honestly…WHY check-in at such random locations. If I wanted to know so badly where you are located, I will fucking call you. I’m not saying that the check-in feature is a bad thing, it’s kind of nifty, but some people abuse it way too much.

The Planner: Ooohoooo how you wish I would come to your event! You get invited to the most absurd things. Like some fucking protest about how chocolate experiments too much with flavours. Give me a break. This isn’t going to affect your life permanently. The thing the bugs me the most with The Planners is that they sent you the events…but they themselves aren’t even going! They live in another city or some bullshit. Like..what the fuck?! That’s like if you’d go bungy-jumping with the person and they want you to jump, when you finally get convinced and jump and later when you come back up, they say “No, I’m scared of heights”.

and finally that last one…

The Asshole: Now, this is totally me. I’m a complete asshole. We only sit on The FACE, hating. We hate almost every user. We hate that we finally caved and registered as users. We hate that it made MSN obsolete because everyone else is on the buggy Facebook chat that seems to decide on its own what not to send. We don’t think we’re better than anyone or think we’re superior in any way, we just have a lot of hatred and issues that we reflect on other users quietly to ourselves. It’s never anything personal and not meant to be hurtful. But we just get annoyed by the way you act. We get annoyed that you’re not like us. One of us, one of us, one of us, one of us…

That’s…way too many! 

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Chapter 7.

Uhhh…wh-what happened, Jonathan moaned out.  You passed out Adam, you have been resting for quite some time now but it is time for you to wake up, the little mysterious creature, Ragna, replied to Jonathan.

After getting caught red-handed by Chester, Eliza’s brother, Jonathan jumped out the window from Eliza’s quarters. He fell down in the castle moat, trying to save his own life he swam to the shore but he knew he could not return. Not yet. Whilst Jonathan exhaled from exhaustion a tiny one-eyed, lizard skinned creature came out holding a lantern, calling Jonathan, Adam. This is where our story left of.

What happened to me? What did you do to me foul beast, Jonathan angrily and confusingly said. Looking at the creature, why, it couldn’t be more than a measly four feet in length. It was no threat at all. Jonathan looked around his surroundings. They where in some sorts of large tent, with a fire in the middle of it, cooking a rabbit, there was a number of clean beds when finally, Jonathan, sat down, he was so confused his head started to hurt, he could feel how tears were building up inside, and, of course, how he missed Eliza. That’s when Jonathan realized! Creature! Tell me, where are we, I needeth to get back to the castle, I need to see Eliza, like, honestly I was half in, if you get my drifteth, Jonathan said to Ragna. The little creature remained quiet for a while, checking on the rabbit. He then put on a small robe and that’s when Jonathan noticed something interesting. That robe, he said. Where did you get that robe? Jonathan had seen this kind of robe before, in Eliza’s stable. It put both her and McDoyle, the King’s highest ranking guard on some sort of unexplainable spell. Ragna smiled with his small, yellow, crooked but lethally sharp teeth. I have made this, he said. Made them? What on eaaaarth are you talking about, Jonathan asked Ragna. Well Adam, and just as Ragna was about to continue Jonathan stopped him. He needed to know why this little beast kept calling him Adam. OK, so, can you please telleth me? What’s it about, do you have some speech impediment where you can’t say the name Jonathan? Or is it so that you just plain, don’t like that name? What about John? Y-you could call me John instead? Wanna’ call me John instead? Jonathan continued for 3 more minutes when finally Ragna interrupted him. OOOHH MYY GOOOOD, you just keep babbling on don’t you? It’s like you don’t have an Off-Button at all…have you ever heard the words “mystery” and “suspense”?! Geez, I will get to it…I.will.get.to.it.so.shut.your.fucking.face, Ragna answered with irritation. Fine, when you are ready, you will tell me, please continue about the robe.

Meanwhile, back in the castle the King was preparing for the wedding. Yes some time had passed while Jonathan was unconscious. Father…are…are you sure about this treaty you and the other king, I always forget his name, agreed upon? I mean…how about just…burying the hatchet without any silly promises, Eliza asked her father, whom was far too busy to pay attention to his youngest daughter. Ohhhh daaaddyyy, a voice could be heard from afar. It was Chester, the King’s only son. Hiii daddy, watcha’ think of the decorations, aren’t they just…fabulous? Like bend-me-over-and-slap-my-bottom-tastic? What do you think sis, Chester asked Eliza with a superiority in his voice and expression. Well Chess…it’ kind of…well it’s…oh that thing is nice…but the whole thing is just a bit…faggy! Chester gasped. He could not believe it. His own sister trashing his decorative skills! Well, maybe you don’t like it because it doesn’t like a certain someone in your quarters a while back, eyy, sis, Chester said mockingly, secretly hoping that the King would hear him. Shut up Chess! I swear to Aisha, that the next time I have a slumber party with the girls you can’t do our make-up, Eliza countered. Bickering for a while, the King interrupted them both. OINGOBOINGO, he said.  Eliza and Chester started to put the blame on each other when the King interrupted them again. OOOINGOOBOOOOIINNGOOO, the King said in the way, only a King could. Chester and Eliza looked at each other, apologized and immediately looked away. Chester started to skip away to his quarters. The King shortly went to his. Eliza stood there in the preparations room, with all the different decorations that will be used throughout the grand hall on the big day. In any other circumstance this could have been Eliza’s happiest day ever. something was missing though. Eliza was angry with Jonathan for not being able to contact her, however, she was also very worried that he might’ve gotten hurt when jumping out of her window. Yes he might be hurt. He might even be dead. Maybe the guards caught him. Maybe he’s in the castle right now looking for me, Maybe he’s being locked up in the prison cell for spying. Yes Eliza’s thoughts were many. The wedding was in only a few days so she knew she hadn’t much time to look for him. But she had to.

Back at the tent Jonathan wanted to know what Ragna meant by that he made the robe. So…do you mean like that you saw me wore it and you liked it so much that…you made one yourself but smaller so it could fit you, Jonathan asked and also realizing how retarded he sounded. No, no Adam. I made all these robes, in fact…I have made everything, Ragna replied. Well ok, the tent is nice and the firepl- No, no no Ragna stopped Jonathan. Silly boy, ah, but that is what you are, a young innocent lost little boy. I have made, nay, created, ALL of this. I am over three thousand years old, Ragna said waiting for a reaction from Jonathan. He sat there with rabbit in is mouth and said “Whaa” Jonathan thought that Ragna was kidding at first but he could se the seriousness in his one eye. Jonathan wiped his mouth. SO, Ragna, buddy, what do you want with me? You said you have been watching me and so on, now you’re claiming that you are the one whom has created ALL of this and that you are over three thousand years old. Ragna, are you God, Jonathan asked with awe. Well…hehe…some might call it that, Ragna replied. Well then…what is the purpose of this, why haven’t contacted me until now? What do you want from me, Jonathan said with frustration, tired of Ragnas silence. Because…it is time-…The time for what Jonathan loudly asked. It’s the time Adam…it’s the time that you find your…Eve.

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Party at Greyskull!

The title has nothing to do with the initial post but…I wanted to have some with Greyskull for I’ve been having that on my mind the whole day for some reason.

Remember a while back when I ranted about todays Hip-Hop/Rap? Well consider this Part 2. I never really got the difference between Hip-Hop and Rap…I think…the Hip-Hop is more upbeat and cheerie and Rap is about…how hard everything is with a bit of a darker tone? Anyone can correct me if I’m wrong? One thing that really bothers me with todays artist, and this is not necessarily exclusively directed to rap artist, is that they are FUCKING LAZEE, YO! Here’s a little test for you:

This is from T-Pains album Thr33 Ringz (yeah…)

1. Welcome to Thr33 Ringz Intro 1:27

2. Ringleader Man 2:54

3. Chopped & Skrewed (featuring Ludacris) 4:21

4. Take a Ride (Skit) 1:45

5. Freeze (featuring Chris Brown) 3:36

6. Blowing Up (featuring Ciara) 3:24

7. Can’t Believe It (featuring Lil Wayne) 4:33

8. It Ain’t Me (featuring Akon & T.I.) 3:45

9. Feed the Lions (Skit) 1:28

10. Therapy (featuring Kanye West) 3:34

11. Long Lap Dance 4:36

12. Reality Show (featuring Musiq Soulchild, Raheem DeVaughn & Jay Lyriq) 4:27

13. Keep Going 2:14

14. Superstar Lady (featuring Young Ca$h) 3:17

15. Change (featuring Akon, Diddy & Mary J. Blige) 5:10

16. Digital (featuring Tay Dizm) 3:14

17. Karaoke (featuring DJ Khaled) 4:09

Do you see? Look closelier…look…MORE closelier. Without counting intro’s and skits T-Pain is only by himself on 3 songs!! Three, out of seven-fucking-teen! That amazes me for some crazy reason. Now I haven’t heard these songs, I don’t feel I need to either, but I can almost assure you that half of these even have samples from other famous songs that they loop and put a rhythmical beat to with a catchy chorus line like “Oh oh-whoa, ’cause Imma gonna keep going, yes, I’m gonna keep-keep-keep going” all in auto-tune of course! Remember when rappers had guns and drive-by sessions. Now they have auto-tune and the nerve to interrupt someones award speech. You go gangsterz! I remember a few years ago…I think…that Perez Hilton (yeah that guy…that has a blog about…something) called Will.i.am or William James Adams Jr. a faggot. Which to Sir William responded on his VLOG or V-Log or just video log, that was the worst thing you could call him. Not that it’s wrong to be homosexual, just because it’s not true. So by that logic he would be greatly offended if I went to his message board and called him a banana? Right?! I mean…that should sting more, I am calling him a piece of fruit, a faggot is at least still a human unless Perez meant the old meaning of faggot which is “Faggot (unit), archaic unit of measurement for bundles of sticks“…but I highly doubt that. Also…really? THAT’S the worst thing?! What about cunt?(nigger) or dickface?(slave) or Jizzmaster Flex?(spearchucker) or asshole(black asshole) or just the N-word. But the fact that he got offended by that isn’t the funny part to me. Is that they bickered over the internet, on each others blogs and vlogs. Grow a pair and just shoot someone. Some might think that this entry is a bit racist…I say it’s observant. I haven’t been in the REAL hood in New York, Atlanta or Detroit, but I’ve seen movies. I saw “YO! MTV Raps!” when it aired. I doubt that it actually looked really nice, Wisteria Lane-nice, but the video director said “You know…This setting doesn’t fit your song or lyrics, let’s make this place like terrible and frightening so people can see where you come from and might relate more to the song itself so it will sell better, yeah?” To which Easey-E responded “Brilliant idea old bean! After that let’s have tea and crumpets and take turn riding on my prize-winning pony; Stardream, myeeees.”

I’ve seen ghetto movies, I’m down 4-life…or something. In reality if you would drop me of in, let’s say, a below middle-class neighbourhood where the crime rate is quite high and the demographic of the population are young african-american teenagers with a troubled past, troubled present and presumably troubled future where all they know is crime, trying to not get shot on a daily basis and trying to make it in the music industry…needless to say…I would piss my pants. And they would see it and they would laugh and make fun of me…………then I’d get robbed and shot in my leg. Although that’s not to say I wouldn’t be equally frightened if you dropped me of in the upper-east side in Manhattan where everyone who lives there is above middleclass and how! Of course not for the same reason just mostly because if anyone noticed that my hair was a bit a skewed or my jeans had a small rip, some old rich bitch would call the lynching security faster than you can say “One billion-billion? Harr, that’s what I made this morning and I haven’t even finished breakfast, harr!”

But yeah…rap! I just somewhat miss the originality to it all. Before…in the long-long-long ago you had to have “it”. Now…you can just copy Lady Gaga and you’re in. Although cynicism aside I fully know it’s not THAT easy. I couldn’t walk in to Sony BMG with a meat dress and they would give all of their moneys. But it somewhat seems that as long as you have the freak-factor (which is todays it-factor) you have a chance. A fine example is Rihanna…never been a fan obviously because I still don’t know how to say her name. But when I first saw that video Pon De Replay on MTV Fresh I thought to myself “This isn’t my cup of virgins blood but I can just sense that she will be huuuuge in a couple of years” which isn’t maybe…an amazing gift but I thought they same way with Pink when her first single and video came out ( I don’t remember the name) she had a shock-pink buzzcut and stood in font of a basketball court (in “the hood”, mind you) rap-singing about a guy…that in the video played Playstation (YOU GO MAN!!) and then she rides a motorcycle on rooftops…it…it was a mess. But I thought to myself “Change your image and style and it might be something of it” and it…was! She’s super popular now, granted she hasn’t released anything new in a while…I think?  I don’t listen to radio at all but the only time I hear the radio is on the bus or in stores and they only play Rihanna and Pink. Now I’m getting off-track as usual but what I meant for the freak-factor and Rihanna is; look how she re-invented herself. Look up any of her new videos, a specially that S&M song that has GAGA written all over it, and of course, like Gaga, it screams sex.

So today isn’t about originality, it’s about being weird and freaky. Which, you know, sure I can agree that some stuff is original…but to me it just seems that it’s popular to be that way. Being weird for the sake of being weird…and being popular isn’t being original at least not in the long run. Remember Converse All-Star shoes? Those white ones? I had a pair when I was younger, we’re talking 13-14-15 years ago. I remember getting teased for that (and many other things *SADDEST OF FACES*) kids called me poor for having those shoes and back then…they were cheap. Now…if I would tease or fucking…even COUNT the amount of Converse shoes I see walking down the street I would exhaust myself into oblivion and transform myself into a giant black hole, imploding the world and univ-….hmm…I think I’ve already used that one in some earlier post…oh well. Time repeats itself, right?

I am THIS many!

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The existential equivalence of pink eye.

Thanks to “Say Anything” for those true, true words.

Right! Blog, typing, typey, type-type. Words stringed together, forming cohesive sentences. Here’s one sentence I heard a like a week ago that kind of shocked me “… your hair…it’s pathetic.” This was said to me, straight to my face.

Now, here’s the short version of what happened: I went to a bar last Wednesday with some friends, we sit, we chat, we drink…the usual. I need to use the Little Boy’s Room…for men. I do my business and I walk out, I met some guy who also needs to empty bodily fluids. Just as I am about to walk past him, he stops me and says “Whoa man, I really like your style” to which I replied in a terrified voice, thinking that this is how Jack The Ripper charmed his victims, “Thanks!”. He continued: “I like your sunglasses man! -These ol’ things(4 days old)? Thank you kindly, they are Wayfarer sty- Those aren’t REAL ones because blah blah blah..”

So the guy gives me a fucking history lesson in sunglasses. So as I’m about to fall asleep near a bathroom door in a shitty bar when suddenly this lanky, semi-tall guy with a backpack and jacket on walks down. He too, needs to use the facilities. He doesn’t know any of us. “Hey guys! Watcha talking about?” To which the other guys replies “Oh I was just admiring his style -Yeah he’s pretty cool (talking about me like I’m not there for a while)” Then the second guy turns to me and says point-blank “You know your hair, I don’t like it…your hair…it’s pathetic.”

Now…I was fucking shoooocked! Thunderstruck! Not that he didn’t like my hair, to each his own right? But that he actually said it to me! We’ve never met, EVER, this is a stranger who pointed out something negative the first thing he did, to another stranger! “But Dominik you brilliant man with gorgeous hair, surely he said that he liked your style, so it would be the second thing he pointed out?” Well…not really, brain, because it was Chip that pointed it out, Dale just somewhat agreed to it. Anyway, Chip suddenly changes teams, he starts to agree with Dale “Yeah you’re right, I mean it’s not bad but it could be improved” they both start to talk about what I should do about my hair, again, like I’m not there, occasionally touching it or “improving it”.

I’ve told this story now to a number of friends but by far my favourite would be my friends reaction “I would’ve fucking punched him!” I mean, too me, that’s amazing. Like actually getting into a fight because a guy didn’t like my hair. Don’t worry ladies, I could take him, but still imagine that I would, the security pries us apart, the cops come and they ask us what happened “Well that one guy dissed my hair so I broke his nose!” No, that’s not my style.

Here’s what I did: I started laughing, like I actually BURSTED out laughing! They’re like “what’s so funny?!” I look at them and go “Seriously…YOU two are giving me advice? Look, you’re a ginger haired guy with a ponytail and you…you’re hair is that thin and you’re still trying to rock the Tin-Tin look? Guys…I think you’re both way too drunk and way too jealous, have a good one, peace.” To me, fighting is a last resort, I’m like Lex Luthor with words. I’m pretty good at talking my way out of trouble or a situation. To which my friend replied “I still would’ve punched him…” Brilliant.

 

 

I’ve been drinking a lot lately, mostly because I was able to. But it’s a shame, I can’t remember much and I know that was not the only thing that happened that was blog-worthy so it’s news time! Jim Carrey…what…what happened? I mean that infamous video of him pouring out his heart to Emma Stone is a joke, at least, that’s what I want to believe. YOU WHERE MARRIED TO JENNY MCCARTHY! I don’t find her attractive but to say the least, he traded up. Sure the video is kind of sweet in a melancholy way but there’s something off about the whole thing. Maybe it’s his odd way of saying that he’s about to quit as an actor because he’s getting old or that he doesn’t fit in this generation of actors?

I’m gonna try to update more frequently, I swear, but this will have to do for now.

Here’s someone that’s good at being pathetic.

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Session with a funny man.

I apologize for being late, you know how the traffic gets in this city as soon as it rains. My name is Nicolas Dale Psy.D and I will be seeing you from now on, a specially after the “incident” you had last time.

I must say, I am a bit surprised that you’re so quiet. I’ve heard so much about you and to be quite frank, it has been kind of had a goal in my life to be sitting here. So, let’s start our first session, shall we? I assume you’ve been here a lot of times haven’t you? Talking about your past in explicit detail, or at least, how you at that moment remember it. Anything you want to add at this point?

You know Doc. All those things you’ve heard about me? They’re all true…hehehe…

Is that so? Well then, tell me about Jeannie. You two were married, yes? It also says in my notes here that she was pregnant. What about her, what about Jeannie? According to this you two were married for a short period before she passed away. Anything you want to add now?

– Yes.

 • 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/3 cups sugar
• 3 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup shortening
• 1 cup milk
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2 large eggs!!

Please, could you try to make an effort? I don’t want cupcake recipe’s. I want to know about you. So I will ask you again; tell me about Jeannie.

Ahhh yes…poor little Jeannie. Well, Doc. she had to die. What are those fancy words you shrinks use? “Inevitable”? Maybe she killed herself, who knows anymore! Who remembers meaningless details about that past!

Well, it says here in the police records that she had a household accident while you where away on some sort of business? How do you explain that?

-Are there any details about HOW she died in that household accident?! HM?! WELL, BRAINIAC?!?!? Papers are easily tampered with! If I wanted to I could have made that little piece of paper say anything! “Jeannie died under the circumstances of having a silly name”!

“If I wanted I could” That’s interessting…it seems that power and control is very important to you. So if we move past the subject of Jeannie for another time, tell me how you feel knowing you’re locked up here in this, how you’ve called it, “A serious house on a serious earth”. In here, you are without control and without power. Sometimes it seems that you almost want to end up here. In this incident it says that you were just standing in the middle of the street carrying a fake bomb filled with confetti? But let’s start from the beginning, your first crime, is it ok if we call it “crimes”?

-You can call it anything Doc. as long as you buy me dinner first…

You…blew up a kindergarten? Was that your first crime? That seems a bit explosive for a first time? How long ago was that?

-Nooo, of course not that’s my first crime! Use your head you quack! It was the first crime I did that got me noticed! Hehehe Haha! Oh maybe…a few years back, yesterday or maybe…it hasn’t happened yet! Maybe YOU can see into the future, hehe, if that was the case, they would throw you in here aswell! Maybe we would become BFF’s, share the same cell, eating the same food, stabbing the same guard to death.

I assure you, I can not see into the future. Going back to your fir-…the crime that made you famous; what made you do it? Why blow up an entire kindergarten? According to this, there were no hostages therefore no ransom, no gain at all. You just decided to blow it up with everyone inside it. Why? That’s very morbid and somewhat borderline to genocide, even for you. Care to interrupt? Add anything, and no more recipes, please.

– I assure you…if I wanted to ADD anything or interrupt you, it would be a split-second decision without you even knowing what happened! Or with what I pierced your throat with!

-Just to make it clear, if I so much as raise my voice, there will be heavily armored guards in this room in a matter of secon-

Hahahahaha! A second is all.I.need. What makes you so different anyway? Like you said yourself, I’ve been in here a lot of times before. I keep escaping and I keep coming back. Just like you shrinks! You come and go. The difference with you from all the other is that you haven’t requested a transfer yet, or another patient. Even if you did, four-eyes, you think the others are easier? Hell, there’s a guy obsessed with calendars in here. Another one that looks like a giant lizard. And a guy so attached to his wooden doll you might think they are conjoined! Either way, no patient here is better than the other. We’re all in here for pretty much the same reason. Every step in here for you, down the hallways, will always be a split…second….DECISION!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!

What the-? Guards! GUARDS!!! Help!!!

Who said I didn’t have power and control in here…you did! Just because it’s on paper, doesn’t mean it’s true…I’ve bribed the guards Nicolas. Your pretty much my plaything at this point!

No! This can’t be happening! It’s my first day here! Please, I have a wife, don’t do this!

Is here name Jeannie?! She might have already had a “household accident” while you were here, with me,  hehehehehe! 

-YOU MONSTER! If you touched here in any sort of way I will see to that you will never get out of this place! You will rot in here!!

Oh but how could I have gotten to her…I’m in here with you, unless, I got information about you before we met and I sort of…hehehe…looked into it! Nicolas Jerome Dale! Oh, no fun, saved by the bell, the guards managed to get through anyway…oh well, same time next week Doc? Hahahaha!

G-geez! What a maniac…I’ve gotta call my wife to see if she’s ok! Hello? Oh good…n-no it was just…I just needed to hear your voice. My day? Y-yeah…it was…like a really bad joke.

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